I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
