its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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