The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
