the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
