O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
