she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
