how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
