im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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