i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
