Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
