apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im holly from the hills drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
