the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
