You work out of a Hotel?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
