Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
