I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
