Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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