Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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