As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
