Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
