She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
