Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
