fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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