yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
