this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
