the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
