Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
