you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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