I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
