My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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