sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
