I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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