she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
