so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
