Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
