Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he thought i was a dude.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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