hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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