My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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