They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
