I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
