we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
