i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
