All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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