I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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