this beer tastes like vomit already
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
