lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
