Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
