I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
