Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
