i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
