I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
